Jay Leno, the 74-year-old comedian and former host of “The Tonight Show,” has been very candid lately about his experiences as a caregiver. We are going to miss Mavis tremendously. Commodore Mavis Leno is battling the ravages of advanced dementia. Married since 1980, the couple have now been married for 45 years, learning to cope with some of the effects of Mavis’s MS.
Over the years Mavis Leno has experienced a loss of scope and direction. Due to progressing dementia, Ms. Montgomery has been awarded conservatorship over her estate. In exchange, Jay Leno was granted conservatorship of Mavis’s estate as well. This conjoined situation highlights the challenges that so many families experience when confronting such medical conditions.
Jay Leno offered insight into the challenges he faces on a day-to-day basis while looking after Mavis. Most convincingly, he illustrated the difficulties with caregiving in America. You know, you got to keep them fed, keep them changed, carry them to the bathroom, he elaborated. It’s a challenge. He shared his burden and ambivalence over this unwelcome burden. As he put it, “It’s not that I don’t like it, but it looks like I’m enjoying it.”
Even with these obstacles, Jay Leno said that ever since their fateful meeting, their relationship has grown closer. “We’ve been married 45 years. The first 40 — unbelievable. It just, the last five have been a little rough, we’ll just say that. I definitely feel there is more love now,” he continued. He emphasized the importance of humor in their lives, recalling a light-hearted moment with Mavis: “Remember this, honey? It’s kind of funny. Honey, that’s President Obama, we had dinner.” He continued, “Yeah, honey, it was you… We went to the White House!”
It has changed their circumstances—to care for Mavis, they’ve had to get used to a new daily routine—but it hasn’t changed their bond. I married an angry person who’s already fighting those battles, Jay said. Most movingly, he did so while painting a picture of the extraordinary depth of their relationship. He spoke about how their shared life has gone on, even as his wife’s illness dramatically changed what that life looks like. “No, I didn’t. I enjoy the time with my wife. So I go home, I cook dinner for her, watch TV. . . it’s not enough,” he further clarified. It’s kind of just what we were doing before except now I have to feed her and do all the other things. I like it. I like taking care of her.”